Yesterday when I began to do my daily reading...I opened up my bible and began to read from Isaiah(I find nothing in Isaiah that triggered this)...then all of a sudden I started weeping...I could feel the pain in my heart...thus began a conversation with the Lord...He showed me the hurt I felt from being pushed aside...how much pain I carry because others perceive me as useless...what hurt and humiliation I have because people will say good and excellent things about me and their action toward me state something very different. How it doesn't really make a difference to me that the person who pushes me aside is insecure...the result is still painful...How much I regret all that I never read or never learned. How frustrated at my inability to learn on my own. How sad I am that no one wants to teach me. How it hurts to be someone who is so easily discarded and pushed aside. There is so much that I don't know...so much that I want to know.
At this time the only thing I know is that this is now in the Lord's hand and He is healing me. He revealed what was in my heart and mind: He let me know that He knows what is there and that He wants to heal me. I have no idea how this will work out but feel the peace, joy, and a great anticipation knowing that I and all that I am are in the hands of my Lord and Savior. Once again the Lord shows how much He cares about our concerns and that nothing is too little and does not escape His attention.
My post yesterday was about the futility of searching for self...then at a time I was not looking for self...the Lord showed me a bit of me but so much more He showed Himself as a very personal, intimate and loving God.
1 comment:
Hmmm yep I relate to this. Oh if you lived close to me we would be the bestest of friends, I just know we would. I have the same hunger as you. And that's what it sounds like, you are hungry for more, and more. I am the same way.
My husband sees it in me as well, and I know alot of the people in the church do to. I have this problem though, I am in a Spanish speaking church, guesssss what I knowwww spanish. So they started services now like this every other week it is in spanish and the following week it's in english... can you imagine how excited I get when the week comes for english, I feel like it's my turn to learn.
We do have a translater, but sometimes I just can't get it. So you should see how full of Joy I must get. Those days I don't understand/shall I say I don't get it, I just get so upset, and alot of it I hold in, because you know I don't want to say anything that may hurt someone's feelings, or embarrass myself.
But I do feel what your feeling because I want to learn so much I want to be involved... I want to so much fit in... When I go into the kitchen where everybody is having coffee and such they are all speaking in spanish, I cannot understand. I know a couple of times I have walked out, and a few times I have said ENGLISH pleasee
I don't know if you noticed how long my blog list is, but everyone on that list, I get so excited about, including you, just so I may learn something new, and I can guarantee ya, I sure do. I have even made mention to some of the people at our church how much I am learning, including my pastor.
My husband sees my growth from the blogging. Also I find myself more in the word, because I want to research something.... It's all good...
But I have learned through all this to have more patience, I am more quieter~~~per God's instructions :) and I am learning so much more.
Oooopsss a weeeee bit long huh..
Hugggggssssss and Blessings to you
Sharon
I will catch up with you all in lynn's study, I have had so much going on... I have my monthly newsletter at church and also my womens meeting to get prepared...
PS. No one would step up to do the women's ministry so I gave it a whirl and we have been doing great, This was one of my step into faith situations... :)
Sure hope I made since in all this mess I typed ~~~ hahahahaha
Thanks for a great post
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