Yesterday when I began to do my daily reading...I opened up my bible and began to read from Isaiah(I find nothing in Isaiah that triggered this)...then all of a sudden I started weeping...I could feel the pain in my heart...thus began a conversation with the Lord...He showed me the hurt I felt from being pushed aside...how much pain I carry because others perceive me as useless...what hurt and humiliation I have because people will say good and excellent things about me and their action toward me state something very different. How it doesn't really make a difference to me that the person who pushes me aside is insecure...the result is still painful...How much I regret all that I never read or never learned. How frustrated at my inability to learn on my own. How sad I am that no one wants to teach me. How it hurts to be someone who is so easily discarded and pushed aside. There is so much that I don't know...so much that I want to know.
At this time the only thing I know is that this is now in the Lord's hand and He is healing me. He revealed what was in my heart and mind: He let me know that He knows what is there and that He wants to heal me. I have no idea how this will work out but feel the peace, joy, and a great anticipation knowing that I and all that I am are in the hands of my Lord and Savior. Once again the Lord shows how much He cares about our concerns and that nothing is too little and does not escape His attention.
My post yesterday was about the futility of searching for self...then at a time I was not looking for self...the Lord showed me a bit of me but so much more He showed Himself as a very personal, intimate and loving God.